Contentment

Saturday, September 21st. at Les Sablons

Contentment has very little to do with prosperity. I mention this only because I feel rather contented at present, though I am far from being prosperous yet. I have hopes! I would like to go over to England for a week to introduce Marguerite to my sister and family but have neither the time nor the money.

I have just recovered from a mysterious malady which resembled influenza of the intestines. I have noticed that one tends to feel better having recovered from an illness than one would have done having not been ill in the first place, because feelings are relative. The malady did not prevent me from working each day. Today I finished the construction of the first part of "The Old Wives' Tale". I also conducted a sort of preliminary treaty with the Leberts and their architect for getting this house altered and taking on the lease.

My contentment has most to do with being married. The only worm gnawing at the root of my mind is that this business of being married cannot possibly last as it is. It can last perfectly well on my footing; but it cannot last on her footing. I am about a century older than my wife, though she is 32 and has been through pretty considerable things in the way of misfortune. It seems to me that she has steadily been getting younger during the last three months. I think that the establishment of regular sexual relations has been beneficial for us both. It is quite unnatural for human animals in the full vigour of life to abstain from sexual activity, and I feel sure that the suppression of the sexual instinct has an adverse effect on human nature and consequently on society.