Theory and practice

Sunday, December 17th., Fulham Park Gardens, London.

I have a theory (not precisely new) that a man can rise superior to anything, but I'm damned if I can work it out in practice. I am of the worrying sort. Just now I am consumed with a fever to chuck up women's journalism utterly, and go in for fiction and criticism only. I could do it if I had the pluck of a louse; but having got used to a comparatively expensive way of living I haven't the courage to make the necessary sacrifice. Nevertheless I swear that I will get out of that damned office inside two years or shoot myself. And I always keep my oaths.

Not that I object to editing a woman's paper and looking after nursery notes. It is not that. I am in editorial control of my paper, but it is only one of several belonging to a company, and I can't tolerate working for a company unless i am managing director or God Almighty or something of that kind. Moreover, though I can get a diversion out of editing Woman, there are other things i want to do much more, and I'm not doing them, or not enough of them.

I have been reading Housman's "A Shropshire Lad" - immortal!

i have been wondering about how one would ascribe value to one person as against another. Let's say that in a hypothetical situation it was necessary for a group of people to 'sacrifice' one of their number so that the others could live. What criteria would they come up with? Age, educational attainment, popularity, physical attractiveness, gender, race, socail distinction, wealth ...... ? I was put in mind of this in an oblique way by reading an account of a man who had spent years in the Amazon jungle, living with a tribe of natives who had little contact with the outside world. They were largely devoid of possessions, died on average in their forties, had no concept of numbers, little interest in privacy, generally promiscuous and yet, apparently, content and routinely cheerful. This man had gone as a missionary to convert them to Christianity, but failed totally and ended up losing his own faith. That started me thinking about cultures we tend to describe as 'primitive' and how we might set about making cultural comparisons. Which led on to thinking of individuals. Perhaps the best way of ascribing value would be in terms of personal contentment? The least contented person gets the bullet in the head, and nobody misses him!