Self belief

Tuesday, March 13th., Cadogan Square, London.

Pleasant spring sunshine. Strolled about this morning and spent some time talking to a longtime resident of the Square. He told me that it was built between 1877 and 1888. The west side has the greatest variety of houses, all variations on the same Flemish-influenced theme. 54-58 were designed by William Young in 1877 for Lord Cadogan himself, and the architect J J Stevenson was largely responsible for the south side, built in 1879-85. The east side was built in 1879. The Square is formed of a garden (restricted to residents) surrounded by red-brick houses, the majority of which have been converted into flats or apartments. It is a very fashionable location and so expensive, but it suits me well. Marguerite would have liked it, but I would not have liked it so well with her.
I had been feeling rather gloomy but the sunshine cheered me. Struggling to get good ideas. Neuralgia has been bothering me, and of course I am dyspeptic as usual. Feeling my age. Somebody asked me the other day, during dinner, what I believed in. Sets one back a bit that sort of direct question. I think they meant from a religious point of view and I passed it off with a jocular remark, but it has been on my mind. What do I believe in? I am an atheist, though I don't go around saying so in public. I am amoral but I doubt if anybody would use that term in describing me. I believe in the value of art, but I would be hard-pressed to say what exactly I understood by 'art'. Mostly I believe in myself. I have always had a sort of inner confidence in my ability to cope with things and essentially I think that is what life comes down to. I suppose most people must have self-belief or else what do they have?