Sniping

Tuesday, October 17th., In transit

I had an unusually vivid dream last night. I don't often remember my dreams, but this one has been in my mind on and off all day.

I appeared to be a soldier of some kind, fighting in a war; more specifically I was a sniper. Apparently I was a particularly good shot and was picking off enemy soldiers to order. The order seemed to be coming from a superior somewhere behind me. I was located on high ground with good vantage over a coastal bay. Large, rolling waves, sunshine on the sand. People making their way out to the sea. I say they were enemy soldiers, but in fact I couldn't really make them out in any detail, too far away. My rifle was an old fashioned one with a wooden stock and I had to sight along the barrel. But every shot seemed to be successful. I aimed at the shape that was pointed out to me, pulled the trigger, and the shape crumpled to the floor. Then I got to thinking about the morality of my actions. Clearly I was following orders and doing my duty, but who were these people? I was turning over in my mind arguments for and against continuing. I thought that if I stopped then I would probably be shot myself. Also that whoever these people were they were not suffering and would all be dead eventually anyway, so in the great scheme of things what did it matter? I never came to any conclusion.

All very strange and disconcerting. I have never fired a gun in my life. What troubled me most was how untroubled I felt. Because I was firing at shapes in the distance they didn't seem like people at all. Is this how a real sniper feels? Is this what happens to soldiers in wars?