Distressed

Wednesday, January 21st., Cadogan Square, London.

We were at Lady Russell's dinner party last evening and Anthony Hope told me a lot about Henry Irving. For example that on every first night Irving gave an immense champagne supper to about 300 people - journalists and friends. Also that all sorts of people had free entry to the theatre on any night, amnd if there were no seats they stood. You only had to know Irving, or Loveday or Bram Stoker to be let in. All this at the Lyceum of course. Hope reckons that Irving, notwithstanding his fame and success, was in a chronic state of hard-up-ness. Surprised that he left £10,000 when he died, expecting only a schedule of debts. Wouldn't be surprised if people think something similar about me.


Ian Hamilton was there as well and he is a very nice and artistic sort of old man. I like him much. I praised his writing highly (which it deserves, what I've read of it) whereat he was clearly much pleased. "I feel several inches taller" he said on leaving. He said he couldn't work much because he had so much to do in connection with ex-servicemen's organisations.

Last night I had more distressing instances of my failure to recognise peole whom I know. Three in fact. I hadn't the least idea who any of them were, and each of them had to make the first move, while I groped after the identity. Coming home from Pisa last week I met, at different parts of the country, four people whom I knew and hadn't, again, the slightest notion who they were. I make a joke of it of course; speak of my 'advancing years', but no point not admitting that it worries me. I am not sixty yet. God knows how things will be later on. If it is softening of the brain then I am determined to put an end to myself before I cease to be myself. Can't bear the thought of degenerating into a second infancy.

i am still reading Stendhal's "Memoires d'un Touriste", slowly. Second time. Why? I suppose because of the fellow's mind. I at last bought "A Passage to India" and am looking forward to getting started on that. And there's another thing - just now I could not have said, if my prosperity depended on it, who wrote that damned book; just couldn't bring it to mind. This is happening more frequently as well.