Lord Dewar made a speech at the anniversary of the Savoy Orpheans Jazz Orchestra on Wednesday night. It had a lot of wit. He said, for example "It is fortunate that our jazz bands only use blank cartridges."Max Beaverbrook rang me up last night and said "Arnold, I want to tell you that the Daily Express has been offered a biography of you written by Mrs. A.B. They wanted to make it a condition that we should treat the offer as confidential, secret; but I absolutely refused to do any such thing. So I'm telling you. Our man has read it all through and likes it. Says he wouldn't mind anyone saying of him in his lifetime what is said of you in the book. If you have any objection I won't buy it; but if you haven't I'd like to."
I reasoned that if the Express or any other paper refused it, M. would put the refusal down to me, and would be accordingly resentful. She would never understand the awful bad taste of the whole thing, whether accurate or inaccurate, praising or blaming, etc. It is bound to be published somewhere; it is bound to make people think that I am partner in the bad taste. But if it is to be published I would sooner it be published by someone who is very friendly and who will take care that nothing offensive appears in it.
And today I have been to see my consultant about a long standing problem (it was diagnosed 5 years ago). I have been advised that although treatment is possible the side effects may be as bad as the condition itself, perhaps even worse. There is a good chance that there will be no deterioration and that I will die with the condition, not from it. The term used is "active surveillance" and it means I get checked out every few months to see if there has been any change. So far so good. Apparently a lot of men find it impossible to live with the uncertainty, and demand treatment as soon as possible. It doesn't seem to be bothering me, which I am pleased about. Perhaps my avowed stoicism has some basis after all! On the positive side I think that the knowledge that I have a potentially life threatening condition has made me appreciate the time I have more. I don't see life as a cumulative affair - the longer you live the "better"; what is important is how you live today.
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