Delicious dilemma

Tuesday, January 21st., Trinity Hall Farm, Hockliffe.

Out for a good walk this morning. Cold but not freezing. Not much wind and so quiet, a waiting time of the year. Few people about but those I encountered acknowledged me. I notice that in the country people do acknowledge each other whereas in the town it is more usual to walk by without making any sort of eye contact. Perhaps this is a residual instinct from prehistoric times whereby in an isolated place somebody one encounters may be a potential 'threat' and contact must be made to establish that neither of you have a predatory intent. In the town, where there are generally people about, this is not necessary. Rarely, if ever, are women seen walking by themselves out of town. I feel sorry for the female sex in this respect because their activity is restricted by anxiety and convention. And the impracticality of female clothing doesn't help either.

I have come to the conclusion that, though I enjoy the country enormously, I shall never know anything about it. I regard it in the mass. I don't think about flowers and vegetables naturally; I have to make myself think about them. This is a bad sign. I daresay I may ultimately know something about horses; I find myself interested in them naturally. I have now got two. Not that I want two, but owing to my inability to resist a 'trade' when I see the chance of a bargain.

I have been sorting and rearranging my books. There are few more enjoyable pastimes I find. A delicious dilemma as to whether to use an alphabetical system by author's name, or by book title, or to categorise by subject. Then there is the question of book size which inevitably disrupts categorisation. The main thing is to handle the books personally, to browse in a few as you go, and just to know which is where. I think I could be happy running a small bookshop, if I didn't absolutely have to sell anything.

This is a rather strange period in my life, living here with my parents but not with them as parents. We are all a little wary of the change in our relationship. Of course my father is not a well man which is good in one way because had he still the natural tendency to dominate the house then it wouldn't work. I find I am getting him to tell me more about his early life which is good.