Neuralgic

Tuesday, January 20th., Cadogan Square, London.

One of the main things at my age is to avoid strain - 'pushing forward' (as you do when you are in a taxi and are getting late for an appointment). Nearly all my life I have been keeping to a time programme, and I have been doing it until quite recently, and have carried programmes through in spite of neuralgia and such obstacles. I think that now this method results in less instead of more work.

On Sunday afternoon, after two hours work with Knoblock on "Mr. Prohack" in the morning (with neuralgia) I gave up the bit of rewriting that I had meant to do in the afternoon, and stayed in bed all afternoon, and of course felt much sronger. In fact, towards 6, I was really inclined to clear off some small oddments, including a 300 word appreciation of Thomas Hardy for Harpers, which I did, all right.  

Yesterday my scheme was to rewrite the end of Act 2 of "Prohack" in the morning. However, I had a sense of rush and strain even before breakfast, and so I became placid and gave myself all day to finish Act 2, and telephoned to Knoblock suggesting that he should put off our appointment tp proceed with Act 3 from 3 p.m. yesterday to 11 a.m. today. He agreed. After all he is not getting any younger himself. I finished the Act easily at 7 p.m. and in the meantime had read the whole of Johnson's little book on me, which isn't bad. The sense of strain had gone, and though I had neuralgia all day, I felt better, and had quite a fair night and began to do letters and oddments at 8 a.m. in good form. 

Dorothy is much on my mind and I find myself expecting letters at every post. I am often wondering what she is doing. Our correspondence is full of trivialities and gentle teasing which, on my part at least, does insufficient justice to how I feel. Am I being a stupid old fool? I am nearly 60 and she is 30 years my junior. I don't think she will tolerate the role of 'mistress', but there is no prospect of Marguerite agreeing to divorce, so she cannot be a 'wife'. The question is, if I were free to marry her, would I?