Flashes

Sunday, March 19th., Rue de Calais, Paris.

When does middle-age begin? At 40 perhaps? I am now 37 and often feel positively middle-aged. Then again, at other times my youth returns, I swell with self-belief, and feel I could do almost anything. So is middle-age a state of mind? That seems most likely. And of course context is very important. If I were married and living a quiet life in a suburb somewhere, with friends in a similar boat, then I would likely feel more middle-aged than I do now. Associating with younger people has a juvenating effect I find. On the other hand I tend to despise those people who try to appear younger than they are, and almost inevitably fail. As a stoic, I strive to accept life as it is. My ideal is to be mature in outlook and behaviour whilst retaining a capacity for playfulness and fun. I don't find it easy.

Aimee Tessandier

Last evening I went with Raphael to see "Therese Raquin", with Aimee Tessandier as the mother. She was certainly very fine. Most of the rest of the performance was ignoble. Raphael, who lives in the same house as she does, told me that she started life in Bordeaux. The play is a good play, spoilt by clumsiness. I didn't go to bed till 2 o'clock, and then had to read The Times. No wonder I am feeling old!

I finished my play "Que Faire" yesterday afternoon. I had the notion from Kelly the other day: two people married who find themselves to be brother and sister. I at once saw that I could turn it into a good, but unprintable, short story. Then when I was talking to Davray on Thursday at tea, the thing suddenly presented itself to me as a play for the Grand Guignol. I saw the whole play, in two acts, like a flash, and I described it to him. He said: "We ought to do that together." At 6.30 I began to write the first act, stopped for dinner, and then worked for another hour, and for 25 minutes on Friday. By then I had finished a full draft of the first act. I read it to Davray on Friday evening and he was much struck by it. Yesterday I wrote most of the second act in the morning, and finished the thing in the afternoon. Davray will re-write it in good French. I have written it part in French and part in English.