Success and failure

Sunday, January 16th., Cadogan Square, London.

Bernard van Dieren came for tea. He stayed for two hours, talking for about seventy five percent of the time.. He is a very fine talker but he drones or chants, and his command of English, though marvellous, is that of a foreigner. He told us he had lived in London for twenty years. He is one of the most cultured men I ever met and seemed very good in all the arts, and in at least four languages. He really came to consult me about the book of an opera he is writing on the subject of Cesar Borgia. It seems to me that he has not achieved the notoriety that might be expected from someone of his gifts. Like myself, he has been plagued by ill health, and had to leave off working for the Phillips electrical company for that reason. I think his wife, a pianist, is the main earner in the household. I have heard that he gets financial support from a range of 'admirers'. I wonder if there is a sort of failure of application in his character, and if the illness is more of an excuse than a reason? Still, I liked him. He is a very attractive man - Dorothy was definitely smitten!

Last evening I picked up a copy of "Lilian" and started to read. In fact I must have read about half of it in a couple of hours which goes to show what a light-weight confection it is. Truth be told, I am rather ashamed of it. Not that it is badly written. It isn't. But there is no substance, no meat, no purpose. This morning, feeling a bit gloomy about it, I looked back at some of the reviews. One said it was the sort of book which would make people believe I was second-rate; another that the mediocrity of the conception was depressing. They were both right. I remember at the time taking exception to a reviewer calling it a 'pot-boiler'. It isn't a pot-boiler and I told him so in print, but it isn't good. I scorned the reviews at the time, at least publicly, but I think they had their effect in making me determined to do better, and I wrote "Riceyman Steps". Van Dieren would, I think, have been demoralised.